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Today, I did something difficult. I quit my job. That might seem stupid, when you consider my abject circumstances, but I felt I had no choice. Why? Because the fuckers haven't paid me. I was supposed to have been paid on the first of the month, and it's now the 18th, and worst of all, they're dissembling about it.

I feel emboldened because I've been corresponding with an editor and I expect to receive an assignment from him on Friday. What's shocking is that I managed to quit the teaching gig before I actually had the assignment in hand. Usually I'm too superstitious to do things like that. Now if I don't get the assignment for some reason I'll feel stupid. But honestly, I don't care. If it does slip through my fingers, which seems unlikely, I'll just have to find something else. But I can't work for people who won't honor their contracts. If I were in a better position financially, sure, I might not mind so much, but the resentment and fear have been building inside me, day after day, until I'm walking around like a giant human pimple.

Besides, I don't even like the kids that much. Isn't that terrible? I mean, they're okay, whatever. They're kids; I don't hate them. It's just that most of them are fundamentalist Christians, which I find exhausting. I feel as if I'm always walking on eggshells with them, or if I'm not, I should be. Last week one of the girls pointed out that a poem I had handed out contained the word "damn." She pursed her lips at me. What was I supposed to do, apologize? Self-flagellate? Put on a hairshirt? I didn't know. I still don't know. I don't want to know! I just don't think I belong in a classroom. At least, not a secondary school classroom. If I ever teach again, I'll teach college. But right now I would be fine with not teaching ever again.


( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
Oct. 20th, 2006 01:48 am (UTC)
good for you... follow your instincts and stick to your guns... Hold to the now, the here, through which all future plunges to the past (Joycer)
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )


L. A. Jones

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